Growing Old – Lock Down Day 15

Good morning from sunny Spain, how nice it is to say that! Our clocks moved forward last night, with lighter nights it will start to feel like spring with summer nights on the horizon. Cabin fever is really starting to kick in right now, we long to see our family, my daughter was coming to visit and had to cancel last minute as our lock down was imminent, just as well she did as we were in isolation 3 days after she was due to fly here. I went into isolation feeling quite down but in acceptance, its always disappointing when you look forward to something so beautiful then its cancelled. I also hadn’t seen one of my sons who lives just 20 mins away for just over 2 weeks as we knew we would be together when my daughter arrived and time just slips by.

The point is like millions of people around the world the hardest thing about isolation is not seeing your loved ones. The heart aches, even with daily chats, as a mother you just want to hold them and feel them close no matter how old they are. This is a natural response for mothers when there may be danger around, you want to herd them up and have them close by to help protect them, comfort them and keep them safe. Of course this is true for little ones but our grown up children? We cant do anything for them, they live their own lives, and the truth is usually they can do more for us than we can do for them and they worry probably more about us than we worry about them during these times. We deeply miss them but they worry too! We are the vulnerable.

For myself and a few friends I have talked to, it seems our emotions are starting to feel like the empty nest syndrome again, having past through this stage of our lives we see ourselves once again returning to it. Everyday feels painful and empty. If you are reading this and not an elder then I can only describe it as a breakup with somebody that you love deeply, its their decision to leave and not your choice, you miss them terribly! With that said I am truly thankful that we are living in these times, our parents and generations before didn’t have the luxury of being able to stay in contact through technological means. I cant start to imagine what it was like not hearing from your adult offspring when not living close by, I guess it was just accepted and what they never had they wouldn’t miss, unlike our generation who would suffer terribly if this luxury was taken away.

Still looking at my beautiful flowers from last weeks mothers day, I feel totally blessed, they are still looking fresh and remind me of all that I have. Amazing, beautiful souls I can call my children, and so proud of who they have become as adults in their own right. Our family is not without its problems as nobody’s is but I am in awe of how far we have come and the deep love and connection we share. I think about all the people who don’t have this luxury right now and are suffering in true isolation, some may have had a family but for whatever reason have no contact with them. Some may not have had children with the focus only on themselves throughout this lifetime, whatever the circumstances many of us (elder generation) are looking back on our lives through these times. Many of us will be doing some deep self assessment, which we all know can sometimes be a painful and emotional process. I can see some around me that are falling into depression, and are truly facing themselves for the first time whilst in this isolation, those that kept busy avoiding themselves may be suffering badly right now with no where to escape to.

If you are blessed like myself please take some time out to remember those our age and older that are falling into dark spaces right now, if you feel able, then reach out to them if you can, we may not be able to do anything to help, but we can listen and be that voice at the end of a phone. Don’t forget to process your own emotions too and try to stay in balance, don’t escape them by focusing on others too much, keep a focus on your blessings and know that this too will pass. Stay safe and take precautions to protect yourself and loved ones including taking care of your mental health and emotions. I hope the sun shines for you today 💜