Day 94 we woke to high summer, defined by the hot night we had and the sea mist that came in this morning. Summer here is beautiful, hot outside but bearable inside, loose light clothes and windows open, it arrived late this year with a lack of spring sunshine. These are the months I love but when real (high) summer arrives then I find it difficult, excessive heat bouncing off the pavement and sometimes hot winds that feel like you cant breathe and inside becomes just as unbearable, with hot uncomfortable nights. When the mist arrives then you know that real summer is here as the heat from the land meets the cooler sea, this may go on for a week making it feel a little cooler but then the heat will set in until the end of August making even the simplest tasks feel a huge effort. My apartment has no air conditioning so this year my precious daughter has gifted a climatiser to see if it improves living conditions, so when the mist leaves it will be a blessing instead of fans that just give a breeze of hot air. Thankyou.
Emotions are still running high this week after the funeral of a close family member which happened on the anniversary of a close friends passing a few years back. Yesterday my new base arrived for my bed with the delivery turning out quite a story, after having to talk the gentleman to my home by phone he informed me he couldn’t see apartments in front of him so I had to go down and meet him! He then took 15 mins to find my 2 items even though I told him it was a bed but he insisted the bed in his van was not mine! Finally he said it was mine as he read out my name but wouldn’t carry it up so I called my son to help, this is the first time ever I have seen anything like this. Today looking back although only in his 30’s I would like to think that he had vision problems, maybe lost his glasses or had to take his contact lenses out, why would I like to think that? Well he touched my bottom twice and before he left brushed his hand and arms against my chest! I was shocked at the time but more confused and taken aback as sensations of unconscious tensions arose which I just realised had occurred many times as a massage therapist working in peoples homes where I was alone with clients. I felt a state of heightened caution and awareness of the guys every move and word, not working for a few years I became aware of tensions that I had felt many times before but hadn’t been aware of at the time. I had taken it all in my stride but now I realise how much tension was subconscious as I had been more cautious than usual.
So this morning I have spent can you believe 4 hrs sorting through the things stored under my bed! One of those tasks where it should only take a little while but as you find treasures and memories you stop to enjoy the moments instead of getting on with the task in hand. Some things you are just not ready to part with especially when they trigger beautiful times, good memories and lift the spirits.
Day 95 I saw an article today speaking of the 50 and 60 year olds classed as the lost generation as almost half of people in their 50s and 60s believe their financial circumstances will worsen over the next year in the economic crisis expected, with many losing their jobs or not being taken back into employment after everything returns to normal, companies will employ younger staff. This generation faired badly in our last economic crisis and of course they will now have to wait longer to obtain a pension. Research showed that many report their physical and mental health has deteriorated during lock down, analysis shows that a fifth have experienced deteriorating physical health during this period after more than half have had a medical or dental appointment delayed or cancelled, this prompts fears that untreated conditions could set back the health of this generation irreparably. More than a third say their mental health has also worsened and 40% admit to drinking more alcohol and smoking more during lock down.
I personally feel that many of us will just give in, while the younger generations face mental health issues as they see no hope for the future, our generation did see hope thinking we could change things, seen with protests in the 60s, 70s and 80s but now we feel we defeated. We watched corporations and governments follow their agendas of wars, pollution and take over our food chains. We are often blamed for causing our planets crisis but the fact is we were brought up re cycling, we used string bags or shopping baskets and our food was farmed healthier. We have seen this corporate take over creating poisonous insecticides and creating factory farming, we have had to watch the amazon being destroyed and have petitioned and demonstrated since its start with many organisations forming like Greenpeace and WWF which are still trying to oppose governments and companies. It has been a constant battle to keep up with the horrors inflicted on society fighting against the cancer causing chemicals in plastics and products, poisons in paints and so it goes on. We did our best, natural options became harder to find as plastics were forced on us being the only option in many cases. We are tired, as we look back and read our old conservation books it seems nothing has changed even in the crisis our eco system is facing now. If governments and corporations are moving so slowly even now with half empty promises of targets but no movement forward, imagine how hard it felt over all these years when we were totally ignored or even laughed at. We leave this realm wondering what was it all for, all our worries and heartaches, petitions, demonstrations, gaining public awareness, education programmes etc all whilst watching our world destroyed and seeing constant wars. I do feel like a lost generation so much hope, especially for our children then we saw extortionate house prices to wage ratios, car prices soar, student debt etc all lead the younger generations into a life of no hope. Many of us will leave feeling sad, poor and failures, the only saving grace for my self at least, is that the hope and dream for a fairer and cleaner world was so strong that the flame burning inside never died, it might be down to just embers in my waking world but its still there and it ignites every time I day dream, my escape where all of life is beautiful and perfect!
Thank you to Ami for sharing this music which found its way to me in perfect timing as I wrote the above expressing my feelings of hopelessness and failure against the powers that be to make a difference.
Day 96 the UK government has signed a £4.5m deal for a public information campaign that will use “shock and awe” tactics to prepare citizens and firms for the end of the Brexit transition period, using a campaign devised by media agency MullenLowe London. Media and Politics mixed once again to shock and twist peoples own thoughts and free thinking! It is also spending another billion on helping students catch up after lockdown which is only a 1/4 of the media advertising so obviously it is not as important to them. I do wonder where all this money is coming from after so many years of austerity suddenly seeming to stop, and how many more generations may have to endure austerity to pay back this magically appeared money since the start of Brexit and this governments constant spending. So much has been wasted on failed projects of payments to shipping companies, campaigns, trace and track failed apps, failed safety and testing equipment and so on!
I have come to a decision regarding how I will now show news reports to look back on here, after sitting here writing and feeling frustrations, tension and stresses arise it came to me that for my own peace of mind I will only post links with a line of what it is, not get lost in the frustrations that surface constantly with them, unless of course it is a pleasant or positive article. I was passionate in my younger days and had many a discussion with friends and visitors until 4 in the morning but then got on with my busy day and children’s needs bringing me back into the now. Those days have gone and I now have too many hours trying to let things go and sometimes its harder to get back into the now, giving a mental or emotional break which we all need from time to time. I feel my own way to cope through these testing times and uncertainty is to be just aware, not go down the rabbit hole, and to carry on with my dreaming where we are in a perfect world! Its time to retire for now at least, and enjoy the simple things without it being shadowed by events and circumstances.
This weekend I hope to see Solstice celebrations live from Stone Henge and also celebrate with song and dance online events that many people have organised or are participating in. So many things to choose from I will have to just go with intuition as the days pass and go with what feels right for me to spend time with. I truly intend to take a mental break and just be in a space where many are honouring mother earth and her cycles, to be in the now and in celebration giving thanks to our planet and all she gives for the good of all. She supplies us with beauty, diversity, food, herbs, shelter, water, and air all given freely. She also cleans up our mess breaking down waste and re cycling, we are blessed in what we too often take for granted. Our mother works in unison with the life giving energy from the sun and occurring this Solstice is an annular solar eclipse on the longest day of the year, giving an effect of a “ring of fire”. Our own celebrations of San Juan on the night of the 23rd June to mark the end of the solstice period has been cancelled with authorities not allowing the usual gatherings along every beach celebrating with fires, entering the sea at midnight etc. It does seem a little hypocritical when we are allowed on the beach during the day, I am sure social distancing rules could have applied allowing everybody to celebrate a beautiful tradition. Anyway one thing is for sure, the heavens and nature won’t be cancelling anything!
I hope you have a pleasant weekend too and find your own way to celebrate the longest day of the year, stay safe and take precautions to protect yourself and loved ones including taking care of your mental health, if you can I hope you get to surround yourself with nature 💜 Saturday 20th June
Growing Old 