Growing Old – Lock Down Day 37

My motto for today is Its OK to just be! As I sit here struggling to start writing, I am feeling numb or is it apathy? Looking up the word Apathy I find it is an absence or suppression of passion, emotion, motivation, or excitement and a lack of feeling, interest, or concern. It is a state of indifference, an absence of interest in or concern about emotional, social, spiritual, philosophical, or physical life and the world. This is sort of how I am feeling today! It also says that an apathetic person may lack a sense of purpose, worth, or meaning in their life. This I feel is the case for many people even during “normal” times, struggling to find their purpose in life and constantly struggling with self worth.

An apathetic person may also exhibit insensibility or sluggishness, yup definitely feeling sluggish with too much sitting around, as often happens the less you do the more tired you become. In other meanings apathy is described as a result of the “individuals feeling that they do not possess the level of skill required to confront a challenge (i.e. “flow”), it may also be a result of perceiving no challenge at all (e.g. the challenge is irrelevant to them, or conversely, they have learned helplessness), it is a natural response to disappointment, dejection, and stress”. Well I guess we have all learned the feelings of helplessness during these last few months and we have all found ourselves stressed to some degree or another.

As they say “all roads lead to Rome” and here we are again back to that word Stress! I would imagine that nobody around the world has escaped this feeling of stress lately no matter how balanced, how many meditations and no matter how positive or motivated they have been. The fact that we need to meditate more, be more motivational, creative, keep ourselves busy etc. is just a coping mechanism to deal with the stress below the surface.

Those that have suffered depression or mental health issues may have learned such skills as Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) or Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) to help them cope, which hopefully will be giving them the skills required to confront our present global challenge. Even so, some amount of stress may still be hiding below in the shadows even with all our tools of coping. This virus has become engrained in our daily thoughts probably causing more widespread damage mentally and emotionally than the actual physical aspect of it. Even when we don’t tune into media our lives are still different, freedom has been taken away, which reminds us of it daily, and all the unknowns such as the big question of when will it end? For many of us whether from past coping issues or from a spiritual aspect will have many tools at their disposal which work for the most part, but we will have days when nothing works, today is one of those days for myself hence today’s motto “Its OK to just be”

The many beautiful free online motivational videos and podcasts serve a purpose and can help many most days but we need to remember that some days just sitting alone in our own truth feeling and accepting any of our so called negative emotions such as apathy is fine too. For myself, today I am going with the flow accepting that this is how I feel, doing only what I feel I want to do, I am playing some of my favourite music because I want to, not because I feel I have to as a reason to help me out of these feelings. Even the writing is flowing now, it came from my truth and the feelings I was experiencing when I sat at the computer feeling numb and lost. My heart goes out to the many suffering who don’t have any coping skills, are not capable of just being, or not facing their own shadows and accepting each moment as it is.

As a response to underlining stress, feelings or emotions, apathy is a way to forget about these negative feelings, sometimes we just need a break and to shut it all off, this type of common apathy is usually only felt in the short term. Of course without tools to help us cope, with no faith, hope or having unaddressed issues it can become a long-term or even lifelong state with deeper social and psychological issues present. Which is why we need to just be in acceptance of it should it arise, and let it pass not hide it below the surface to grow deeper in the shadows until it consumes us. If you do find yourself in a long term cycle and needing help or tools then always seek help, even during these times there is a lot you can find online, if like myself it is just passing through, then take that break away from everything and go with the flow, it will pass.

A couple of news snippets from today: India reports its biggest single-day spike in coronavirus cases as the government eased one of the world’s strictest lockdowns to allow some manufacturing and agricultural activity to resume. Concerning is this snippet showing again the use of those less fortunate in experimentation “In Mumbai, the capital of Maharashtra and home to Asia’s largest slum, city authorities were planning to administer hydroxycloroquine to thousands of slum-dwellers over 14 days to gauge whether the drug helped to slow the spread of the disease in a place where social distancing norms aren’t possible to achieve. It was unclear how many people would participate in the experiment, or when it would begin”.

The population of the Swedish capital Stockholm could achieve “herd immunity” from coronavirus within weeks, a health chief has claimed.

UK Police must prepare for a “more volatile and agitated society” after the end of the UK’s lockdown, a senior officer has warned.

I hope you enjoy your day whatever you are feeling, go with the flow, as even in apathy it is possible by giving yourself a break and a relief from any expected or inflicted pressures from yourself. It can bring you a sense of freedom to just be, with no expectations and needing to do nothing, this in turn may bring it’s own sense of enjoyment or pleasure. Make friends with the many parts of yourself including all of your different feelings and emotions, it’s just all part of your whole. I am off to spend the rest of my day comfortably numb and see what emerges, please stay safe and take precautions to protect yourself and loved ones including taking care of your mental health 💜