Growing Old – Lock Down Day 19

Rain Rain go away…….. we are on day 19 and I don’t think there has been a day where it hasn’t rained, if not during the day then through the night. It feels like Spain is weeping! Today I want to talk about time and its perception, the last couple of days I don’t know where it went, I’ve found myself rushing to prepare lunch and the evening meal on time. There is a saying that goes “If you want anything doing ask a busy person” I feel this is true as I look back at my busy life before stopping work.

Was it busy or hectic? I managed to juggle family, work, others needs, renovating our home, maintaining a beautiful garden and entertain a constant stream of visitors without any outside help. Now I have so little to do and no time! How does this happen? I used to hear “I don’t know where the time goes” often from older people, and now I am living it. During lock down maybe many people will be experiencing this phenomenon too, as they slow down from the revved up existence they were living, yes looking back that is how it felt revved up, in a different gear. Now in low gear, slowed down with nothing to do, sometimes there is still not enough hours in a day for the basics. Maybe its apathy, when I want to do something rather than have to, I find the time. Another possibility is “getting lost in time”, this happens to many artists in creative projects or when performing, once they finish they snap out of the space they have been in. Their perception is of a short period, when it could have been hours, some describing it as trance like.

These last few days writing blogs felt like being in a time warp, especially yesterdays, it took most of the day. I look at my daughters life sometimes and it exhausts me thinking of it, she gets so much done. We speak before she leaves on a flight or long drive then she calls to say she’s arrived safely, during this time sometimes I have done nothing but google some info which felt like at the most an hour! I wonder if she is feeling the “where has time gone” syndrome during this Isolation period. Is it simply Action versus Mind. I am not sure, there are days I rush around with plenty of physical things to do and get so much done and other days I struggle to get half done.

Getting lost in thoughts though, I feel is true, in this state we are not in the present moment or aware of anything around us, which is why I set a limit to any self assessment or analysing I do, if not it consumes my time and mind. I say “ok that’s enough for today” and ground myself by awareness of everything around me, the task at hand, movement or action. I don’t believe its healthy to live the way I did even if extremely productive, being permanently revved up or in survival mode, health problems can ensue. I remember most things in my past but wish that I had paid more attention and sat back watching some precious moments like I do today, I had seen them but not basked in them and appreciated them fully.

I really don’t know where I am going with this, I just know that I have confusion over the perception of time, sometimes it feels like a mystery to me. Some people say there is no such thing as time just existence, maybe that’s true also. I am from the generation that as a child we heard that automatic washing machines, Vacuum cleaners, etc. were going to save so much time, I guess they did to a certain degree but we just wash our clothes daily now and clean more often instead of once a week. Another thing we were fed is that computers were going to save so much time and create less work load, again this may be true in some aspects but for most people or businesses the work load is the same or more as we have become more creative or we have to keep up with so many social media outlets. It is easy to go to the computer for an hour and get lost in time, or frustrated that its taking too long as the hours pass by.

Well I am at my limit of time I set for today here, I am feeling because of this I may have not given my best whilst under pressure from the clock. Who knows if this is true, but I do know that without this limit I may or may not have been here for a few more hours. I actually love that feeling of being lost in time, when fully in the moment with awareness of what I am doing, when I come back from that place I usually feel good and pleased with what I have done, the only problem is, when I look at the clock and realise how much time has passed, I have to burst into action to catch up with other daily essentials and chores.

Without the limits imposed on time from society or self of what needs to be done, essential or necessary, could life if it were boundless in time, be a happier place? With no restrictions, maybe life would take on its own natural flow just like nature! Oh that darn clock… it’s time to leave, enjoy your day or evening wherever you are in the World and Please stay safe and take precautions to protect yourself and loved ones including taking care of your mental health💜