Growing Old – Lock Down Day 11

This morning I woke with that lazy Sunday feeling, its only Wednesday! Looking out to the rain and darkness I decided to go back to sleep, waking again at 9.30am with the same feeling and thought about having a PJ day. Finally I managed to drag myself out of bed after laying contemplating many things whilst snuggled up warm, and in the end I did get dressed!

I am feeling weary now, one reason is the lack of social contact, besides through technology which, although a blessing, is really not the same and I am starting to feel truly isolated, its leaves me feeling even more lonely as I long to hug loved ones and friends even more. I do have an adult son living with me at the moment working afternoons, half his normal hours, but we still need to keep a safe distance within the home too, this is under regulations for those who are still working so as to limit any spread of the virus. It would be easy to ignore this, but not wise as many people have colds/flu or possibly milder symptoms of the virus and don’t want to pass it on, so we mostly stay in different rooms.

This leads to another reason for feeling weary, having had a sore throat, mild fever, headaches and mild cough on and off now for 3 weeks, it becomes tiring, with each flare up comes the uncertainty of what is it? Mine flared up again yesterday needing a paracetamol during the night. It is of course flu season which would have seen the health system overburdened anyway with many of us suffering from something. A friend of the family wasn’t able to breathe a few days ago so called emergencies, she was taken to a health centre and put on oxygen, then sent home again with instructions to call again if it got worse. She was advised that she wouldn’t be tested or sent to hospital unless it became critical, there aren’t enough tests available even for medical staff working in the hospitals, which by the way over 600 of them have contracted the virus. Another reason was that if it was just flu then going to hospital where the virus is, would compromise her already weakened system. This friend is only in her 30s and occasionally suffers breathing problems due to her many allergies so it was probably the wisest decision, but is shows how overburdened the health system is and also how the figures that are issued for the number of cases may be completely inaccurate with many more cases not being tested.

Another reason for this weariness is not getting outside, Spain took a harder approach to Italy, we aren’t allowed out for exercise and if stopped by police then we have to be able to point to our home, this includes taking a dog out, and taking the rubbish out. Of course with my son already leaving the home each day he gets to go to the shop when needed so my isolation has been total. I am craving fresh air, a little sunshine and a walk around the park! If I was younger I would have been one of the few allowed out to check in on elderly as a care worker, but now I am the elderly and not allowed out! This is just sinking in.

To brighten my mood I can hear that my son has picked up a guitar for a little practice before he leaves for work so I am off to soak up the sounds. Whilst writing this I have just realised that for the last few days his playing has become much more classical and mesmerising rather than rocky and loud! Its beautiful and I am blessed.

I cannot imagine what others are feeling right now who don’t have what I have and are truly alone and isolated, I am truly thankful for my circumstances in these times. I will try to stay in gratitude whilst taking care of my cold/flu/virus and be in acceptance, and keep reminding myself that this too will pass. Please stay safe and take precautions to protect yourself and loved ones💜